Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
