And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
