I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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