I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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