I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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