8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
