I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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