it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
