The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
