You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
