you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
