she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
