I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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