his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
