Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

well I can't set my house on fire every night

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.

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(415): View more from California

I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(571): View more from Virginia

I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed

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(912): View more from Georgia

thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.

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(916): View more from California

Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?

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(432): View more from Texas

Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.

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