Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.