we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
