people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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