well I can't set my house on fire every night
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.