Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
