You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
