well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
