I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
