Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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