Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
