I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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