I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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