Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
