I think i peed on brittanys purse
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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