watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
