I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
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i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
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Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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