I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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