I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
