I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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