In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
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She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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