We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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