Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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