It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
