I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
