Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
