i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
