why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
