ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
