that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
