At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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