can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
