His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
