im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
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Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You made out with two different species that night
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
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We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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