I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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