i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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