so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
