Got a toothbrush?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
