The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
