if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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