I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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