where does the pee come out of this thing
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
