NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
