a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She's the barista slut.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
