the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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