we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
