I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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