I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
sarcasm needs its own font
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
