Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
