I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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