have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
All I want is dick and wine.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
