I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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