I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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