Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
