you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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