If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
