The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
