Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
