You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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