yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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