By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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